This is the last excerpt from Abraham’s Dysfunctional — and Obedient — Family. The full resource will be available soon.
The complete resource is a character analysis of the ten people we have discussed over these three posts. We look at them to see glimpses of their Sanctification Roads.
Jacob: How God Broke Him to Bless Him
Have you ever sat down and taken a look at how complex Jacob was – and yet still feel an affinity for him?
We may be thinking Jacob started out with something we don’t have — he was known from the womb (Gen. 25: 23). But then again, so are we (Jer. 1: 5).
Jacob and his twin Esau struggled in the womb – and many days after that. He came out grasping Esau’s heel (Gen. 25: 26).
His brother’s heel wasn’t the only thing for which Jacob grasped. He grasped for Esau’s birthright as firstborn (Gen. 25: 29-34). Years later, he grasped for the covenant blessing (Gen. 27).
While we may say that is a good thing because it showed his desire for the covenant, Jacob went about it in the wrong way. He went about it his way, not Jehovah’s way.
Why should we study Jacob’s life? Mercer gave us a good reason. He wrote, “His character was unlike that of the other patriarchs in this: Abraham and Isaac, such as we see them at first, are very much such as we see them at last. But Jacob only becomes his real, that is, his higher self at the last.”
Resource
If we take a close look at Jacob’s story, we see that Jehovah broke Jacob to bless him. That may sound strange, but Jehovah often works that way.
In today’s terms, we might say Jacob was moving from sinner to saint. More accurately, he was navigating his Sanctification Road.
What Jacob Did Right
Jacob Believed the Covenant Mattered
Throughout his life, Jacob deeply wanted Jehovah’s promise. He understood the spiritual significance even when Esau treated it casually.
The covenant promises, including the birthright and blessing, were more than family inheritance rights to Jacob. They represented Jehovah’s covenant purposes continuing through Abraham and Isaac.
Jacob accepted that it required effort, and he was willing to patiently work for it. Unfortunately, his methods were deeply flawed.
Jacob Eventually Learned Dependence upon Jehovah
By the end of his life, Jacob learned that he could depend on Jehovah. He had gone through many sufferings.
- Laban deceived Jacob by substituting Leah for Rachel on their wedding night (Gen. 29: 35).
- Laban changed his wages ten times during Jacob’s employment (Gen. 31: 7).
- Jacob’s daughter Dinah was raped (Gen. 34: 2), and two of his sons murdered all the men in the town in which the rapist lived (Gen. 34: 25).
- The love of his life first was barren many years before their first son was born (Gen. 30: 1, 25) and died in childbirth upon the birth of their second child (Gen. 35: 19).
- Reuben slept with one of Jacob’s concubines (Gen. 35: 22).
- One day, his favorite son Joseph never came home because, unbeknownst to him, his other sons sold him to traders (Gen. 37).
Jacob’s life became a long Sanctification Road in which Jehovah stripped away his self-reliance. He showed him that He was in control of situations – as devastating as they were – and could give a good outcome in the end.
Jacob Remained Connected to the Covenant Promises Even During Exile
When Jacob fled from Esau’s anger, Jehovah came to him in a dream. In the dream, He reiterated the covenant promises (Gen. 28: 13-14).
Specific to Jacob, Jehovah promised him His presence and protection. “What’s more, I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go. One day I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have finished giving you everything I have promised you” (Gen. 28: 15 NLT).
We know that Jehovah kept that promise, as Jacob told Leah and Rachel in Genesis 31: 5 that Jehovah had remained with him. He acknowledged that Laban did not harm him because of His provision (Gen. 31: 7).
Jacob Became a Man of Prayer During Crisis
When Jacob finally returned to Canaan after twenty years, he came with the intention of reconciling with Esau. He knew Jehovah wanted him to make things right.
But when Jacob finally turned to Jehovah in prayer, it wasn’t in gratitude for being brought home. It was from fear because Esau was showing up with 400 soldiers.
And that is where Jacob was broken.
Jehovah met Jacob personally to wrestle with him. He removed Jacob’s advantages of strategy or strength.
What did Jacob do?
He clung.
He held on to Jehovah because he had nothing else left. In that moment, Jacob learned what it meant to depend fully on Him.
Jacob accepted that he was helpless and Jehovah was always in control.
Jacob Ultimately Finished in Faith
Hebrews listed Jacob as a Hall of Famer. “It was by faith that Jacob, when he was old and dying, blessed each of Joseph’s sons and bowed in worship as he leaned on his staff” (Heb. 11: 21 NLT).
How we come to salvation is not the main goal. Our relationship with Jehovah at the end of our lives is what is important.
“But the one who endures to the end will be saved” (Mt. 24: 13 NLT).
What Jacob Did Wrong
Jacob Manipulated Situations Instead of Trusting Jehovah’s Timing
From before he was born, Jacob’s parents knew he was going to be the covenant son. But there are times when he didn’t act like it.
From birth, Jacob was associated with grasping. He grasped at Esau’s heel — in fact, that is where he got his name.
That pattern played out in Jacob’s life by his reaching out for what he wanted, often before the right time. To secure what he wanted, Jacob used scheming and manipulation. Jacob acted as though Jehovah’s promise depended on his effort.
But grasping came at a cost.
Yes, Jacob obtained the blessing – but immediately, he lost his home. What looked like success became exiled, and he was running for his life.
Oh, yes. Jacob was exiled to settle his future by obtaining a wife. What may have looked like a setback was a step forward.
Even years later, he was still trying to manipulate outcomes, still relying on strategy instead of surrender.
So, Jehovah stepped in – not to destroy him, but to transform him.
Jacob Favoritism Damaged His Household
Carrying on his parents’ practice of favoritism, Jacob continued this dysfunctional practice in his family – to heartbreaking outcomes.
Jacob preferred Rachel over Leah. Some may justify this as Jacob had no intention to marry Leah.
But that doesn’t excuse Jacob’s treatment of her once they were married. She was his first wife and should have been treated properly.
Jacob also showed favoritism to Joseph, his and Rachel’s first son. Partially in response to Jacob’s gift to Joseph of a tunic (possibly showing that he was going to give Joseph the firstborn status), Jacob’s sons by his other wives reacted in jealousy and envy. The brothers sold Joseph to slave traders.
Jacob Allowed Fear to Control His Decisions
Even after receiving Jehovah’s promises, Jacob didn’t act from settled covenant confidence. He often acted from anxiety and survival instinct.
One example of this was when Jacob and his family left Haran to return to the Promised Land. Jehovah had told him to return home (Gen. 31: 3). Still, Jacob left secretly when Laban was elsewhere (Gen. 31: 19-20).
Jacob also showed fear when Esau was approaching after he returned to the Promised Land. Though Jacob had initiated contact with Esau, he probably didn’t expect Esau to bring 400 men with him (Gen. 33: 1).
Jacob Delayed Full Obedience at Times
Jacob had promised obedience to Jehovah at Bethel (Gen. 28: 20-21). Still, he slowly grew spiritually. Partially because of that, his sanctification was uneven.
Jacob Struggled with Unresolved Grief
We get a hint as to Jacob’s response to what appeared to him to be Joseph’s death.
“Then Jacob tore his clothes and dressed himself in burlap. He mourned deeply for his son for a long time. His family all tried to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. ‘I will go to my grave mourning for my son,’ he would say, and then he would weep” (Gen. 37: 34-35 NLT).
This describes a man who essentially stopped living. He refused comfort. He refused hope. For years.
This grief hits even harder when we remember that, on the day Rachel gave birth to Benjamin, Jacob expected to welcome another son. Instead, he buried the love of his life.
A year later, Jacob woke expecting Joseph to return home that evening. Instead, his sons handed him what appeared to be proof that Joseph had been killed.
The two great loves of Jacob’s life were suddenly gone.
Jacob allowed the grief to eclipse his trust. Despair dominated where confidence in Jehovah should have been.
Scripture does not record that Jacob turned to Jehovah for comfort during this season of grief. That is what He wants us to do – come to Him when we are in our worst place.
But then, it doesn’t say that Jacob blamed Jehovah. That could be one of the worst things we could do.
The younger Jacob had worked to control outcomes. By this point in his life, he knew that he couldn’t control anything.
But Jacob had to turn away from trying to control circumstances and turn to Jehovah, Who is always in control.
What Jacob Teaches Us
Jacob teaches us that Jehovah works through flawed, imperfect people. We see what sanctification means through Jacob’s story. Jehovah is more than happy meeting us where we are — with the intention of taking us where He wants us to be.
The sanctification process is not meant to be some self-help exercise. It is surrender.
Jacob teaches us that brokenness is often part of sanctification. Sometimes, the sanctification process means discipline. Other times, it means breaking.
Jehovah does not mean to destroy us. He means to reshape our hearts.
God often breaks the self-reliance of His servants before He entrusts them with lasting blessing.
Jacob teaches us that the sanctification process is a life-long process. We are not sanctified overnight. Jehovah shapes us through decades of consequences, fear, labor, exile, grief, and confrontation.
We, too, are brought into struggles. We are shaped through wrestling. We are given the opportunity to prevail.
Jacob teaches us that family dysfunction spreads unchecked. This can even cross generations.
- Abraham deceived Pharaoh and Abimelech by saying Sarah was his sister.
- Isaac deceived Abimelech by saying that Rebekah was his sister. Isaac and Rebekah both showed favoritism. Rebekah manipulated circumstances so that Jacob would be blessed.
- Jacob deceived Isaac by saying he was Esau. Jacob showed favoritism, and his children were divided into maternal camps.
- Reuben slept with his father’s concubine. Simeon and Levi murdered men. Judah didn’t treat Tamar fairly. All but Benjamin sold Joseph into slavery.
Jacob shows us that we must stop relying on ourselves. We can’t overpower Jehovah. Like Jacob, we must start depending on Him.
Jacob teaches us that Jehovah remains faithful to His covenant promises even when we are inconsistent in our obedience.
Jacob’s story shows how Jehovah works through human weakness. He chooses, calls, and promises blessings – and then leads us through long seasons of waiting, disappointment, failure, and humbling before the blessing comes to us.
And in the end, we learn what Jacob learned: it was never his story. It was Jehovah’s story of grace.
Leah: The Unloved Wife Seen by GodTitle
We usually don’t think of Leah first when we think of Jacob’s wives. We think of his love for Rachel. We think of beauty, romance, and loss.
Leah, on the other hand, was accustomed to being overlooked and unwanted. In some translations, she is described as being plain.
But Leah was never overlooked and unwanted by Jehovah.
As Laban’s oldest daughter, she should have been married first. If the Midrash is correct in that Leah was supposed to marry Esau, her story was even sadder.
Whatever the cause of her weak eyes, the narrative suggests she lived in the shadow of her younger sister’s beauty and desirability.
Yet as she walked her Sanctification Road, Leah became a woman of remarkable spiritual depth and insight. Her story goes beyond her rivalry with Rachel.
Leah’s story becomes a testimony of Jehovah seeing us when others don’t. He hears us when the world turns a deaf ear to us. He works His covenant purposes through those the world neglects.
We meet Leah when Jacob travels to Haran to find a wife. By the time Leah enters the narrative in Genesis 29: 16-17, Jacob and Laban were determining Jacob’s wages. Jacob asked for Rachel as a wife in Genesis 29: 18.
From then on, Leah’s story is shaped by being second choice to Rachel and enduring Laban’s schemes. But that is not how the story ends.
What Leah Did Right
Leah Endured Rejection with Perseverance
Leah faithfully entered a marriage that began with her and her father’s deception and lacked love. Yet she did not withdraw. Leah made the best of her marriage with Jacob.
We are plainly told that Leah was given children because she was unloved (Gen. 29: 31). Rather than retreating in bitterness or despair, Leah continued to live, bear children, and seek meaning in her life.
Leah endured years of rejection without abandoning her family responsibilities. We are never told that she failed to fulfill her duties as a wife.
Leah Grew in Spiritual Understanding
Most importantly, Leah turned to Jehovah, recognizing that He saw her suffering. She repeatedly acknowledged His hand in the birth of her children.
We see her spiritual growth in the naming of her sons. The meaning of the names showed that she had moved from seeking Jacob’s approval (Gen. 29: 32) to praising Jehovah (Gen. 29: 35).
Leah Became a Mother of Israel
In all, Leah had six sons by Jacob. She also had a daughter.
More importantly, she was the mother of Judah. It was through Judah’s line that David and ultimately the Messiah came.
The unloved woman was used to ensure the central covenant promise was fulfilled.
Leah Showed Dignity in Family Conflicts
Leah’s rivalry with Rachel was intense and painful. Yet we are never told that she used deception or stealing to further her cause.
Leah remained faithful to her role in the family. In fact, she is buried with Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Rebekah, and Jacob in the cave at Machpelah (Gen. 49: 31).
What Leah Did Wrong
Leah Was a Party to the Deception
Leah was not without fault. She remained silent in the deception that began her marriage.
True, we don’t know how much choice Leah had in Laban’s scheme. She may have faced difficult consequences if she had not gone along with the deception.
That doesn’t change the fact that she – like Jacob – pretended to be someone she wasn’t. Jacob sinned when he disguised himself as Esau, and Leah sinned when she disguised herself as Rachel.
We aren’t inferring anything here. If she would have said, “Hey, I’m Leah,” Jacob would have said, “I’m not marrying you.” That didn’t happen.
What we do know without a doubt is that Jehovah expects obedience to Him regardless of the situation we are in. We don’t get a pass to ignore His laws because the world will judge us and impose circumstances of their own.
Leah Initially Sought Fulfillment Primarily in Jacob’s Love
When she saw the marriage itself didn’t gain her Jacob’s affection, Leah struggled with her desires to win it. This revealed Leah’s desire for human approval over Jehovah’s.
Unfortunately, Leah tied her worth to human approval.
Leah Participated in the Competition for Children
Leah entered into the baby war when Rachel gave her servant to Jacob. She gave Jacob her servant Zilpah in order to bear more children on her behalf (Gen. 30: 9-13).
This prolonged the rivalry. It eventually caused the sons to divide into maternal camps. This created even more tension.
This also shows how broken the family was.
Still, this is the family through which Jehovah’s covenant with Abraham would pass. This is the family that formed the twelve tribes of Israel.
Leah Was Not Entirely Free from Bitterness
At times, Leah’s bitterness did get the best of her. Her bitter comment about Rachel stealing her husband (Gen. 30: 15) was not accurate. If anyone stole Jacob, it was Leah.
We shouldn’t allow bitterness to creep in. Everything that happens to us ultimately is because Jehovah allowed it to happen.
Since Jehovah allowed it to happen, there is a good reason for it. Usually that good is to draw us closer to Him.
What Leah Teaches Us
Leah shows us that Jehovah sees what this world overlooks. He wants us when the world does not. He sees us in our deepest pain.
We are seen because Jehovah is involved in each of our lives. He sees the unloved, overlooked, and quiet suffering.
And He works there.
Leah’s story reminds us that sanctification is a process. Growth happens in places of pain, not comfort.
Rachel: A Woman Deeply Loved, Deeply Longing
Rachel’s story carries a different kind of weight.
Rachel seems to be one of those women who are more of everything. She is more beautiful, more passionate — and at times it seems more self-centered.
Rachel’s story has it all — love, jealousy, barrenness, faith, and covenant purposes.
She was deeply loved – and yet deeply burdened. Her life was marked by longing.
We met Rachel at the well at Haran. Jacob had just arrived and was looking for his family. Right away, we find out that Jacob had found his wife.
What Rachel Did Right
Rachel Inspired Deep, Faithful Love
Rachel was the love of Jacob’s life. He loved her with an intensity and laser focus.
This speaks to Rachel’s character as well as her beauty. She was someone whom he was willing to wait for, work for, and sacrifice for.
Rachel Showed Courage in Leaving Home
Jacob called Leah and Rachel out to the field in which he was working to tell them Jehovah had called him to go home (Gen. 31: 4 NLT). It appears that Jacob allowed them to be in the decision-making process.
Rachel – as did Leah – agreed to leave Laban’s household and her homeland. This was a huge decision. She was stepping into an unknown future.
This decision meant that Rachel had to not only trust Jacob, but she also had to trust Jehovah. He was the One Who was giving the call.
Rachel – and Leah – chose wisely. They chose to follow Jehovah’s call.
Rachel Experienced Genuine Spiritual Longing
Sometimes, we may think that Rachel’s desire to have children was based on envy of Leah. I don’t think that is everything.
Rachel wanted children—not just for herself, but to take part in Jehovah’s covenant family.
Rachel stayed within the covenant line and desired to belong to what God was doing. In time, she recognized that children came from Jehovah.
What Rachel Did Wrong
Rachel May Have Had Some Hand in the Wedding Deception
Rachel also remained silent in Laban’s deception. Again, we don’t know if Rachel had any more choice than Leah had in Laban’s scheme.
Where was Rachel on what was supposed to be her wedding night? Was she duped in some way that took her away from the compound? Or did she knowingly participate?
Rachel Struggled with Envy Toward Leah
Rachel’s longing turned into desperation. Her bitter demand for children (Gen. 30: 1) revealed how deeply this struggle affected her
Rachel Used Surrogacy Rather than Waiting on Jehovah
Instead of waiting, Rachel tried to take control. She gave her servant to Jacob – and intensified the family conflict.
Rachel Stole Her Father’s Household Idols
We don’t know the real reason behind why Rachel stole Laban’s teraphim. Whether it was about control, inheritance, or belief, it showed a lack of full trust in Jehovah.
Rachel then deceived Laban when she hid what she had done.
Rachel’s faith was real – but it was often mixed with urgency and struggle.
What Rachel Teaches Us
Rachel teaches us that longing and faith can grow side by side. Both can be messy.
Rachel’s life reminds us that painful circumstances can distort relationships – but they do not stop God’s purposes.
Jehovah works through real people — people who love, envy, hope, fail, and are still graciously used by God.
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