In the last devotion, we discussed the expectation that wives submit to their husbands. It is only fair that we look at the expectations for the husband. This daily devotional looks at the role of the husband in the relationship that is symbolic of our relationship to God.
Nuggets
- Husbands should sincerely, persistently, and constantly love their wives.
- Husbands are to love their wives as they love themselves.
- Putting wives first shows husbands are committed to the relationship.
- If husbands don’t honor their wives, their prayers may be hindered, damaging their relationship with God.
To read devotions in the Marriage Roles series, click the appropriate button below.
We started discussing in the previous devotion that marriage is seen as a symbolic representation of our relationship with God. Wives are called to pattern themselves after Jesus and His submission to God’s Will.
There is another player in that representation — the husband. What is his role?
Let's Put It into Context
Several of the resources said that husband was to be a band enveloping his family. Readers at the time would have understood that reference. Being an agricultural community, they would equate it with the bands that held the grain together to make sheaves.
It was interesting that the resources noted that, in many cases (their words), husbands were abdicating this keeping the household together to the wives. Isn’t that how it is today?
For years, men were seen to be the breadwinner while wives were to keep the home fires burning. While we say that provides food on the table and a roof over our heads, that alienates them from family life.
Let’s see what Scriptures say.
Ephesians
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Even so husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body” (Eph. 5: 25-30 RSV).
The first thing listed is that husbands should love their wives. No, we aren’t talking sex here.
This love has to be more than that. We spend a lot more time out of the bed than in it.
Love has to be sincere. It shouldn’t just be lip service. If it is just lip service, the annoying habits we each have will become more than annoying.
This love has to be persistent. This will help when trials are thrown the couple’s way.
Love has to be constant. Wives are going to not be as inclined to choose to be submissive if she has a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde husband. (Remember, in the last devotion we said it was a choice, not a mandate.) So, husbands, in a way, have to earn the submission of the wives.
This love has to be pure. Husbands shouldn’t marry wives because of what they can do for them. It shouldn’t devolve into abuse. They should want to spend time with her (Prov. 5: 18-19).
We have to look at something else Paul said. Romans 12: 10 says, “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves” (NIV). That puts wives — at the very least — on equal footing.
But I love that one phrase in the verses. “… having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word” (Eph. 5: 26 ESV).
God’s Word is given for our instruction. No, God doesn’t expect us to understand everything. He doesn’t expect us to be perfect.
God expects us to work on our relationship with Him. It is a process.
How can husbands model this? One way would be showing patience.
Yes, it also says, “so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish” (Eph. 5: 27 ESV). When will we be presented to God? When Jesus comes to take us home.
Spots are removed in the wash. We have anti-aging creams for the wrinkles. More important, we are going to be changed for the presentation.
Keep in mind Romans 8: 34. “Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us” (Rom. 8: 34 ESV). Jesus isn’t condemning us; He is helping us — pleading for us.
Yep, the kicker is verse 28. “In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself” (Eph. 5: 28 ESV). We’ve asked in a previous devotion, How can we love others when we don’t love ourselves?
To read a related devotion, click the button below.
This equates to husbands wanting to spend time with their wives. Husbands providing for their wives. Husbands wanting to give their wives what they need to take care of themselves.
Colossians
“Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them” (Col. 3: 19 ESV).
“Harsh” is an interesting word here. Other translations say “embittered” (NASB) or “bitter” (NKJV, KJV, HCSB). The Contemporary English Version says “abuse.”
Apparently (from what I found in my research) back in the day, men were easily offended and carried a grudge. Do you see how detrimental that is to married life and submission? Can you see that leading to subjugation — or worse?
I do not see that as gender specific.
Think about the arguments, though, that can happen in a marriage. Sometimes, it is real easy to let those fester. It is easy for us to say that the bitterness is all in the spouse’s response. We fail — don’t want — to see how our actions contributed to those feelings.
Then we think a “I’m sorry” is just going to gloss over it. What is the saying? “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me.” Ooo, baby. WRONG.
When we lead with love, it can diffuse a bad situation. Putting the other first shows we are committed to the relationship. Considering their experiences — maybe even baggage — and values shows we understand the “why” behind what happened. Talking in their language — not necessarily ours — shows we “get” them — they are a separate person from us.
No, it isn’t easy in the heat of an argument. Isn’t it imperative in the making up stage?
First Peter
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (I Pet. 3: 7 ESV).
Ooo, baby. That “weaker sex” reference could be seen as fighting words in today’s world, too. Yes, depending on what you are actually referring to, it could be right or wrong.
But look a couple of words later: joint heirs. That, too, puts them on equal footing.
To read a related devotion, click the button below.
But look what happens if husbands don’t. Their prayers may be hindered (I Pet. 3: 7). If husbands do not treat wives the way God intended, the husbands’ relationships with God could suffer.
Husbands are called to honor their wives. That means husbands respect their wives.
Making the Connections
Look back over the verses in red. Where do they talk about wives being submissive? They don’t.
Husbands are not supposed to keep their wives submissive, that is make it a subjugated relationship. If it isn’t mentioned, I would gather they are not supposed to think about it at all.
How husbands treat their wives is not contingent on the wives’ actions. Instead, husbands are to be the head of the household with all that that entails.
How are they to keep the family together if they don’t know the issues facing the family members? If they don’t know their family members’ needs and wants?
I see this as increased involvement. I see this as building the relationships needed so the husbands know the threats that are facing his family.
Think of it this way. Jesus intercedes for us.
But first Jesus has to know for what He needs to intercede. He is not going to do a general prayer to God. He is going to get specific. “Please be with Tom as he struggles in a job he loves but that takes him away from his family so much.” “Be with Ben as he tries to mend his relationship with Gayle.”
We said in the previous devotion that the whole submission thing was symbolic of our relationship with God. Yes, that makes husbands the “god” in this picture.
But in reality, men have to be submissive to God also. They are called to imitate Jesus also. That gives them even more responsibility.
How Do We Apply This?
What does this look like in today’s world? “Be with Elaine as she juggles managing a household while she works outside of that household. Help her to keep focused on You.” “Be with Adam as he encounters bullies — all while expending a lot of energy just trying to get through the day. Help him to feel Your Presence and Your love in these situations.” [Add what it looks like for your family.]
One of the things I read said some things can be fixed by not giving offense. No, as with anything, it does not always start with the other person. (Yep, sometimes it does.)
But our actions have consequences. Yes, even as head of the household, our actions have consequences.
That just shows us even more that the Christ-like love has to be there. This is also a way to be a witness for Christ.
Think of it this way. Did Jesus begrudgingly go to the cross? Did He say, “Forget that noise, it is going to hurt to much”? Did He think too much asked of Him — more than He was willing to give? Did He substitute some fancy dinner/date night, diamond ring, or weekend get away?
No. Jesus gave Himself. “Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied; by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant, make many to be accounted righteous, and he shall bear their iniquities” (Isa. 53: 11 ESV).
What are some words that can be used to describe what Jesus did? Holy. Self-denial. Love. Duty.
Jesus gave what we needed. He gave enough. Even though it hurt. Even though the cost was huge.
Jesus came to die for us when we were still sinners. “But God proves his own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5: 8 CSB).
Remember, husbands are portraying God in this play. Wives don’t have to fix themselves before they are worthy of the husband’s love.
Jesus did it for us with no thought for Himself. He. Did. It. For. Us. He accomplished the plan of salvation.
That is what Jesus is calling us to do. Be submissive for others. Be the head of the household for others.
Father. We are in awe of the love and selflessness Jesus demonstrated when He died so that we mighty live. We pray that we can imitate Him in our relationships with others. Amen.
What do you think?
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Thanks 4 all the biblical verses and onrs that single or married all people can utilize– I know you reinforce St Paul’s writings and others in the new testament. I am at last learning that I do require the Word each day if I want to live more peacefully, wisely, with another human being. Just as the reading of the Bible is strengthening my mind, heart, and soul to more easily
Attempt to respect & love another your efforts here can help us as well! THANK YOU & BEST WISHES IN YOUR WORK.
Thank you for your kind words! We do need God’s Word daily. It took me a long time to realize that. I think we gloss over Ephesians 5: 21: “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (ESV). It does take respect and love. Blessings to you. Elaine.