What Does It Mean Wives Are to Be Submissive?

There are several verses in the Bible that call for wives to submit to their husbands. That has caused some to believe the Bible is no longer relevant. This daily devotional looks at what was meant in those passages.

Nuggets

Part of the consequence of Eve’s sin was submission to her husband.
Paul was saying that the marriage is symbolic of the relationship between God and man.
While it does say women are to submit to their husbands, it doesn’t say women are inferior or subjugated to men or need to submit to all men.
Instead of degrading women, God is the one who was giving women a higher standard in marriage.
Wives are not supposed to neglect their responsibilities to their families.
He wanted wives to show their husband the nature of Jesus — His love and obedience to His Father.
Disciples are unconscious witnesses because unbelievers are always watching them.

My Springfield Mom is going to fall off her chair when she reads this post. I am starting on my Bible study lesson for Sunday, and it isn’t Saturday yet. I actually started this on Wednesday.

That is because Mom said Tuesday at the prayer breakfast that we were going to be studying a really tough topic. So, I am doing my research and organizing my thoughts — and sharing them with you!

The topic is wives being submissive to their husbands. Ooo, baby, that doesn’t go over well in today’s society.

This is one topic that makes some say the Bible is no longer relevant. So, let’s take a look at what is said on the matter.

Let's Put It into Context

We have to go way back to look at submission. Eve was the one who bit first when the original sin occurred (Gen. 3: 6). Part of the consequences for her was submission. “… Your desire will be for your husband, yet he will rule over you” (Gen 3: 16 CSB).

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Think about it this way. Why did Eve bite? Wasn’t it because she didn’t want to submit to God? She didn’t want Him to control her thoughts and actions.

Eve’s consequences identify it is for the wife-husband relationship. In several different passages I read when researching this, it was said that wife meant weaver. Isn’t that a great description?

Wives generally do create the atmosphere of the home. I see the nurturing aspect falling under this.

Paul mentioned the concept of submission several times in his various letters. To submit means to yield to the authority of someone else. Peter also addressed the issue.

In Ephesians, Paul just addressed the relationship between husbands and wives. In Colossians and Titus, these verses are just part of a list.

Ephesians

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands" (Eph. 5: 22-24 ESV).

Paul was saying that the marriage is symbolic of the relationship between God and man. Sovereign God has authority over us. He has the right to make decisions and enforce obedience over us.

Wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. No, there is no limits here — except it is to be to their husbands only. It doesn’t say women are inferior to men or need to submit to all men.

This is different than being made a slave of someone else. A slave is forced to obey the person of authority. Just as God does not force us to obey Him, this should be the wife’s choice.

Paul is not talking here about that a wife should be humiliated and shamed. She should not be demeaned.

In order to have this work, it must be a mutual relationship. I think Paul is saying that a wife should honor her husband and the husband should honor his wife. If the honor is not there, it is just a subjugated relationship. This isn’t supposed to be a power play.

But in this – as in everything – we must follow Christ’s example. Obedience to God was first. That was quickly followed by love for all. Humility had a strong third-place finish.

We also have to take into consideration something else Paul said. In Philippians 2: 3, he wrote: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (ESV).

Back to Adam and Eve. Eve was made to be a helper for Adam. “Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him’” (Gen. 2: 18 NLT). The wife is to help her husband in what he does.

Wives needs to depend on their husbands. Isn’t that how you make a marriage work? Trust me. Once a wife doesn’t think she can believe what the husband is saying or can’t depend on him to provide and support her, the marriage gets really rocky.

Colossians

“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord” (Col. 3: 18 RSV).

We have to realize this was probably a new concept to Paul’s readers. Women had no rights in those days.

Think of it this way. Instead of degrading women, God is the One Who was giving women a higher standard through marriage.

Maclaren said, “As in the loving obedience of the believing soul to Christ, the wife submits not because she has found a master, but because her heart has found its rest.” Think of the strength and generosity it requires to submit to someone else.

Resource

Titus

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled” (Ti. 2: 3-5 ESV).

The older women were to be teachers. In order to teach, you have to be knowledgeable. Being knowledgeable means you can figure things out for yourselves.

I read the domestic as to be family oriented. Wives are seen as the keeper of the home. I think the main message here is that wives are not supposed to neglect their responsibilities to their families.

First Peter

“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct” (I Pet. 3: 1-2 ESV).

We have to chase a rabbit for a little bit here. Second Corinthians 6: 14 says, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” (ESV).

This is another instance if where we have to consider to whom Peter is writing. Remember, Jesus hadn’t been crucified, buried, resurrected, and ascended very long. It was probably a frequent occurrence when one spouse became a disciple and the other didn’t.

Back on track.

Peter’s main concern here is witness. God didn’t want wives to just end their marriages; he wanted them to witness to husbands. He wanted wives to show their husband the nature of Jesus — His love and obedience to His Father.

It is interesting that Peter is talking about an unconscious influence. We’ve talked before about an unconscious witness. Disciples are unconscious witnesses because unbelievers are always watching them. If wives can win husbands over “… without a word by behavior…,” then doesn’t it follow that other family members, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances do the same?

To read a related devotion, click the button below.

Making the Connections

But isn’t that the whole intent of the submission? Go back to Ephesians.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands” (Eph. 5: 22-24 ESV).

Look what it says right before that. “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph. 5: 21 NIV).

It is all about our relationship to God. The purpose of wives submitting to husbands is to imitate Jesus’ relationship with God. If the relationship has elements that are not a part of that holy relationship, it wasn’t what God intended.

We have to remember what Jesus said. “For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me” (Jn. 6: 38 ESV). He didn’t call the shots, but rather He submitted to God’s Will.

Just as the world’s definition of love means tolerance, the world’s definition of submission means subjugation. There is nothing further from the truth. This is to be a loving relationship, not a domineering one.

How Do We Apply This?

Submission is a choice. It is a choice just as asking Jesus to be our Redeemer and acknowledge our Sovereign God is.

We can look at this as another dress rehearsal for heaven. When we get to Heaven, we will be submitting to our loving Father.

Let’s start now.

Father. You created a perfect world for us to live in. You created us as perfect beings. We messed that up. Ever since, we have been struggling against how You really want us to live and behave. You have given us the relationship between a husband and a wife as an example. Help us to follow that example. Show us where we need to work at putting Your ways above our ways. Prepare us for when You call us home. Amen.

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