When we think that God would like disciples to be composed, how do react when we encounter conflict? This devotion looks how an attitude of patience and acquiescence will help defuse the situation.
Nuggets
- We can understand why God says stop the dispute before it breaks out as He is love and peace.
- Solomon told us that a gentle answer will cut off conflict before it starts.
- Patience does help us make better choices in how we react to people and situations.
- Solomon told us that no resolution comes until cooler heads prevail.
Devotions in the Maturity Is Composure series
How Do Mature Disciples Control Conflict?
How Do Mature Disciples Control Anger?
How Do Mature Disciples Control Envy?
We are all going to have conflict in our lives. Sometimes, it can be as simple as picking a restaurant at which to eat.
Sometimes, though, it is an angry confrontation. It escalates into a bitter disagreement.
As disciples, we want to keep our composure in those times. We don’t want the circumstances to cause us to sin.
Let's Put It into Context
Composure is a mental steadiness, keeping a even temper under stress.
We each have a spirit that encompasses thoughts, passions, and emotions. Our spirit is that core of us that houses our character. It is, essentially, the us in us.
We need to control that spirit — not have it control us. If our spirit controls us, Satan is controlling us.
Cutting Conflict Off at the Pass
“To start a conflict is to release a flood; stop the dispute before it breaks out” (Prov. 17: 14 CSB)
“A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but one slow to anger calms strife” (Prov. 15: 18 CSB)
Have you ever been in a situation where it just went downhill fast? You were going along fine, and then one or all of you stopped listening to reason.
Everyone involved is trying to champion their viewpoint, and it gets messy and hurtful real fast. Nothing anyone can do seems to be deescalating the situation.
The flood part comes in when the strife starts to spread. The conflict can move into other situations or pick up other people as it barrels along.
We can understand why God says stop the dispute before it breaks out. God is love and peace. That is the opposite of strife and conflict.
How to Not Escalate
“A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath” (Prov. 15: 1 CSB)
So, how can we cut off conflict before it starts? Solomon told us that a gentle answer will do that.
I don’t think Solomon was saying not answer. I think he was saying watch how we answer.
I don’t think Solomon was saying ditch our thoughts, feelings, or opinions. I think he was saying presentation goes a long way.
I don’t think Solomon was saying play dumb. I think he was saying to be smart on how we portray what a disciple is supposed to be like.
Reading reminds us that, sometimes, those gentle answers have to be submissive answers. This is especially true when we are talking back to God.
Resource
Examples
“So, Abram said to Lot, ‘Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives. Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left, I’ll go to the right; if you go to the right, I’ll go to the left’” (Gen. 13: 8-9 NIV)
Abraham could have said he was top dog and taken whatever land he wanted. He was the elder in this instance.
But Abraham and Lot’s herdsmen were already quarreling. Abraham didn’t want to conflict to flood to include him and Lot.
So, Abraham’s gentle answer was, “Lot, you mean more to me than having the best land. I want to see you settled, happy, and thriving. Where do you want to live?”
“Jacob sent messengers ahead of him to his brother Esau in the land of Seir, the country of Edom. He instructed them: ‘This is what you are to say to my lord Esau: ‘Your servant Jacob says, I have been staying with Laban and have remained there till now. I have cattle and donkeys, sheep and goats, male and female servants. Now I am sending this message to my lord, that I may find favor in your eyes’” (Gen. 32: 3-5 CSB)
Jacob wasn’t sure what kind of reception he was going to get from Esau. When he had left those twenty years before, Jacob had to high tail it out of there because he thought Esau was going to kill him.
Now, Jacob is coming home an influential man. He has all these kids and herds that are coming with him.
But Jacob couldn’t know if Esau was still steamed about his birthright and blessing theft. Oh, yeah. Esau had the choice to sell him his birthright, but it wasn’t something really Jacob should have approached.
Jacob approached this correctly, though. He didn’t blindside Esau — he gave him fair warning.
Another thing Jacob gave Esau was animals. Along with his gentle words, Jacob tried to materially makes up some that Esau could not access because he was no longer had the rights to being firstborn.
“And he added, ‘Why is my lord pursuing his servant? What have I done, and what wrong am I guilty of? Now let my lord the king listen to his servant’s words. If the Lord has incited you against me, then may he accept an offering. If, however, people have done it, may they be cursed before the Lord! They have driven me today from my share in the Lord’s inheritance and have said, ‘Go, serve other gods.’ Now do not let my blood fall to the ground far from the presence of the Lord. The king of Israel has come out to look for a flea — as one hunts a partridge in the mountains’” (II Sam. 26: 18-20 NIV)
Probably one of the best examples is David and Saul. Saul was the current king. David had been anointed to be his successor.
Saul wasn’t having anything to do with that.
In fact, Saul was so opposed with David succeeding him that Saul was trying to kill David.
David wouldn’t kill Saul, even when he had the chance. Saul was sleeping, and David snuck into camp and took his spear and water jug that was right by Saul’s head.
This was after the time in First Samuel 24 when David and Saul ended up in the same cave. David didn’t kill him that time either — or let his men touch Saul.
Yeah, David had some gentle words to tell Saul. His actions were even more gentle.
A Choice
“A person’s insight gives him patience, and his virtue is to overlook an offense” (Prov. 19: 11 CSB)
Patience does help us make better choices in how we react to people and situations. Patience is a steadfast endurance in opposition without losing a positive attitude.
Ooo, baby. When the conflict is raging, don’t we feel we need endurance to get through it?
Think about it. Patience = steadfast endurance. Composure = mental steadiness.
Don’t you need both to have one? You don’t have the steadfast endurance if the mental isn’t steadfast. You don’t have the mental steadiness if you don’t choose to endure.
It does all come down to a choice, doesn’t it? What is that saying? Swindoll said, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”
Resource
At times, we may feel like the situations dictate our responses, but they do not. This is just another reminder that we have to continually choose to live like God wants us to live.
No Resolution
“Mockers inflame a city, but the wise turn away anger. If a wise person goes to court with a fool, there will be ranting and raving but no resolution” (Prov. 29: 8-9 CSB)
This is how the conflict flood plays out. It rolls along, picking up people as it moves, until it has engulfed the whole city. Sometimes, the whole country and the whole world.
We see in this era of protests how quickly they spring up — and how destructive the looting can occasionally be.
Solomon told us that no resolution comes until cooler heads prevail.
Making the Connections
Usher pointed out that Abraham, Jacob, and David exhibited the same characteristics.
- They acquiesced in the situation. They knew they had God’s backing in the situation, so they could have forced their position. They didn’t.
- Instead, they were submissive in words and in manner.
- Their actions were very generous.
Resource
No, the choice isn’t easy. Even if it is easy to make the choice, it isn’t always easy to carry out the decision.
That is because we are battling against Satan. He is wanting us to sin and escalate the division.
Satan is all about division. Once he draws the battle lines, he can prod us until the city is in shambles.
Making the Connections to Self-Discipline
We can use self-discipline to help us control conflict. We can evaluate what our triggers are that make us impatient. We can learn to wait and focus on the important things in life. We can teach ourselves to just breath in difficult situations.
How Do We Apply This?
- When we respond with a soft answer, we imitate Jesus.
- Many times, the soft answer has to be coupled with a forgiving spirit.
- We have to show non-believers how to be gracious and modest.
- How we react to conflict is especially important if we are supervisors. We must be the calm in the store to help diffuse the situation for our co-workers.
Father. We don’t like conflict. Satan does. He sees it as opportunities to divide us and to get us to sin. Forgive us when we make the choices You do not want us to make. Help us to be the voice of reasons in those situations. Help us to imitate You. Amen.
What do you think?
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