Husbands are charged to honor their wives. But what does honor really mean? This daily devotional looks at that definition and how it applies to marriage.
Nuggets
- Honor means to esteem and respect another.
- Husbands honor their wives when they feel they have the best wife.
- Marriage as an institution should be honored.
- Disciples must be careful not to follow the world’s type of honor, such as creating becoming prideful.
To read devotions in the Marriage Roles series, click the appropriate button below.
Yesterday when I was doing the How Are Husbands Supposed to Act? post, I wanted to add a discussion on honor. But the post was really big as it was, so I decided to save it for another day.
Today, in fact! So, let’s jump in and see what we can see.
Let's Put It into Context
When I googled the biblical definition of honor, I got everything but related to husbands and wives. Yeah, the verses were in the list of verses on the topic.
Just one person had written on honor as it relates to the marriage.
The Holman Bible Dictionary talks about honor by using the words esteem and respect. It talks about being held in high regard because of a good reputation.
When you honor someone, you see their value. This dictates your actions toward them. When you couple that with seeing others as God sees them and in the proper relationship He wants, it starts to make sense.
Honor in Marriage
"Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered" (I Pet. 3: 7 ESV)
First Peter 3: 7 says that husbands are to honor their wives. Proverbs 31: 29 tells one way to do this. Let’s look at some of the different translations.
New International Version
“Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
New Living Translation
“There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!”
English Standard Version
“Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”
New King James Version
“Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all.”
King James Bible
Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
Contemporary English Version
“There are many good women, but you are the best!”
Good News Translation
He says, “Many women are good wives, but you are the best of them all.”
Now, this is part of Proverbs 31. If you look at Proverbs 31: 10 (the start of the section), it says, “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels” (ESV). This isn’t talking women in general.
The front end of the verse uses words like noble, virtuous, capable, excellent, and good. These wives, we would say, are deserving of honor.
Look at the back end of the verse. They say excel or surpass or are the best of all. Husbands are to honor their wives by believing he found the best wife.
That belief should evident in the husbands’ thoughts and actions. Their children should be able to see it.
I can hear some of you reading this saying, “But my wife isn’t the best.” Have you heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy?
Remember, I am a fake-it-till-You-make-it girl. You start building me up, I am going to work to make that come true. Start tearing me down (especially if I don’t believe you), we will have words at some point.
Honor Marriage
Hebrews 13: 4 is interesting. It says, “Let marriage be held in honor among all …” (Heb. 13: 4 ESV). To me, the institution itself should be held in high esteem.
It would be really hard to honor our spouse if we did not hold the institution of marriage in honor. How different would it really be from other relationships if it was not for the honor of marriage?
Not the World’s Type of Honor
Disciples of Jesus have to be careful that we don’t approach honor from a worldview. Honor in the world is given to those with wealth, fame, and prestige. Also, wisdom and intelligence attracts honor.
We have to be careful that we don’t create pride. When we start believing we are the best spouse — especially if we start cutting down others — we slip into sin. Proverbs 31: 29 says our spouse should believe we are the best, not us ourselves.
Making the Connections
Honoring your spouse is just another way of saying I love you. But we do have to watch that we don’t take it to the other extreme.
I remember being told that I was going to be put up on a pedestal. I had a really negative reaction with that.
If you look at the synonyms for putting on a pedestal, they are cherish, glorify, idealize, idolize, revere, and worship. I am okay with the cherish. That is a part of what honor and marriage is about.
It was the other ones where I had the problems.
We should only worship God. “Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the victory and the majesty, for all that is in the heavens and in the earth is yours. Yours is the kingdom, O LORD, and you are exalted as head above all.” (I Chron. 29: 11 ESV). Our highest honor and worship goes to Him. We should not idolize anything.
I think my biggest concern was the idealize. If you are loving who you think I am and not who I really am, that could be a problem.
What if I don’t live up to that? What if there is no way I can?
Yes, I am a fake-it-till-you-make-it girl. I believe in picturing how I want to be and working to make me that girl.
But if your spouse is picturing you as someone else — someone you are not working toward being — that doesn’t work. We can’t change people into what we want them to be.
Yes, spouses should help us grow and become better than we are. But you have to love the persons we are now, not just our future selves.
Honor has to be grounded in reality. It has to be a true and honest. It has to be appropriate.
How Do We Apply This?
How can we honor someone else if we have an inflated opinion of ourselves? If we have a stick-our-noses-in-the-air attitude, we are focusing on us at best, and judging others (and generally finding them lacking) at worst.
Isn’t it, in fact, the opposite? Don’t we have to submit to someone else’s authority to honor them? We honor our parents by living by their rules. We know they can ground us and send us to time out when we disobey. But usually we submit and not kick and scream against their rules.
When we get older, we have policies and procedures at work by which we have to live. We have to honor those rules and practices.
We make our own rules in a marriage. These have to be mutually-accepted rules, or it turns into a dictatorship by whichever spouse who made the rules.
It could be as simple as, any purchase over $X, you have to check with the other first. Then you honor that rule and live by it.
I love Romans 12: 10. “… Outdo one another in showing honor” (ESV). No, it isn’t a competition. Instead, our love should be so strong for our spouse that we keep showing them even more respect.
We have to choose to honor something. The same is true for marriage. We choose to honor our spouse. This is especially important in the hard times.
Some of the resources I read said love and honor are interchangeable. The connection needs to be there. The honor is based on the love. To me, honor is the expression of that love.
Loving Father. You show us love and ask us to honor You. You are deserving of all honor and praise. Help us to honor You and our spouses. Help us to navigate the tricky waters of relationships. May we have marriages that bring You glory. Amen.
What do you think? What does honor in marriage look like to you?
Leave me a comment below (about this or anything else) or head over to my Facebook group for some interactive discussion.
If you don’t understand something and would like further clarification, please contact me.
If you have not signed up for the email daily or weekly providing the link to the devotions and the newsletter, do so below.
If God has used this devotion to speak with you, consider sharing it on social media.
Pingback: Paul’s Advice to Children and Parents – Seeking God with Elaine