Isn’t it frustrating when we have issues with our children not obeying us? Don’t we wish we had an instruction manual? In this devotion, we look at Paul’s advice to children.
Nuggets
- Children shouldn’t obey just because they are told to do so but should obey in the Lord.
- God is going to reward children who obey – submit – because that is what He is looking for in all of this.
- Parents don’t want to provoke their children — they want to teach of God’s love.
NOTE: You may be thinking to yourself that this devotion doesn’t apply to you because you don’t have children. Parents aren’t the only ones who influence kids. Aunts and uncles do. Neighbors do. Teachers within the school system and church do. Don’t sell yourself short. Anyone who comes into contact with children do. Even though this is written from the lens of a parent, you can be an influence, too.
I still get a chuckle out of what happened the first time my sister invited Adam down to spend a couple of days with them. He was about four. It was the first time he had been overnight somewhere without us.
The visit went fairly well. There was, however, a rough spot when she tried to make Adam a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Standard kid food, right?
Adam was vehement that he only wanted a goober grape sandwich. Now, goober grape was peanut butter and jelly that were in one jar. So, we called it a goober grape sandwich instead of a PBJ.
My sister’s comment was, “You should have sent an instruction manual.”
Don’t we wish? Ooo, baby. That would have been helpful.
After Paul finished talking to husbands and wives, he turned his advice to the kids. Remember, family was a big theme in the Book of Ephesians.
Let’s see what Paul’s instruction manual said.
Children, Obey
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Eph. 6: 1 RSV)
In a way, this seems like a cold statement, but it isn’t. Yes, sometimes children have to obey the parents without talking back.
But children shouldn’t obey just because they are told to do so. They obey “… in the Lord, for this is right” (Eph. 6: 1 RSV).
What is God? “… God is love” (I Jn. 4: 8 CSB). To obey in the Lord, children are to have love and affection for their parents.
Yes, there are parents who aren’t fit to be parents. Yes, there are snot-nosed little kids. That is because we live in a broken world.
Satan has taken God’s perfect family life and torn it to shreds. There is abuse and neglect. There are broken homes and homes that feel like they are a war zone.
We are going to assume the parents in this devotion are trying to do their best and raise their children in the way that God wants.
But did you notice? Paul didn’t slip in any kind of qualifiers. He didn’t say, “Obey only if they are good parents.” He especially did not say, “Obey only if they are following your wants.”
In fact, Paul clarified this in Colossians 3: 20. “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord” (ESV). Children should obey their parents when their parents are following God’s will.
God said obey. Period.
Children, Honor
“Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth” (Eph. 6: 2-3 RSV)
When we looked at honor in marriage, we said that honor means to esteem and respect another. Children are to respect their parents.
Paul reminded his readers that this is one of the Ten Commandments. If we look at Exodus 20: 12, it says, “Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God is giving you” (NLT).
Let’s look at it this way since we are assuming these are good parents. Parents have worked hard to raise Child properly. They have loved Child and provided what Child needed to grow up well.
How should Child respond? “Go away. I don’t have time for you”? No. Child should respond in love, not selfishly.
Parents don’t have an instructions manual on how to deal with children. Each child is unique. There is not going to be a one-size-fits-all manual — except the Bible.
Let’s talk a second about why this commandment has a promise attached to it. It talks obedience — submitting. God is going to reward that because that is what He is looking for in all of this.
Not only are wives modeling submission, but children are also. We have to put our will aside and follow God’s laws and commandments.
Parents, Watch It
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6: 4 RSV)
The commentaries that I read said that we shouldn’t read this as fathers. We should read it as parents. I get that. Fathers don’t have sole claim at provoking the kids.
What do you think are some things that could provoke anger in a child? I know Adam would get upset when I told him one thing and his dad told him the opposite. I know he became angry when it turned into a dictatorship and his abilities were not considered.
Parents don’t want to provoke Child — they want to teach. If Parents continually provoke Child, there won’t be much respect. If Child doesn’t respect Parents, there isn’t going to be much learning going on there.
What Child has to realize (and I am afraid some don’t today) is that it is not just about instruction. It is also about correction. When Child breaks the family rules, consequences follow.
What does Proverbs 22: 6 say? “Teach children how they should live, and they will remember it all their life” (Prov. 22: 6 GNT).
The ABCDs of Salvation
A – admit our sins
B – believe His Son Jesus is our Redeemer
C – confess God as Sovereign Lord
D – demonstrate that commitment by making any changes needed in our lives to
live the way in which God has called us
If you have not become a believer in Christ, please read through the Plan of Salvation and prayerfully consider what God is asking you to do.
Parents need to teach their children that, because of God’s infinite grace, He devised the plan of salvation that made Jesus our Redeemer in order to forgive us of our sins. They have to hear that they need to admit their sins, believe on Jesus as Redeemer, confess God as Sovereign Lord, and demonstrate that commitment by following the disciple’s job description.
Parents have to teach their children values and beliefs. We have to help them interpret what they are learning out in the world.
Making the Connections
We have to remember this is still in the section talking about submission. Children submitting to their parents is another visual of us submitting to God.
If children can’t submit to parents they can see, how are they going to submit to the Father they can’t see?
But think of the responsibility that puts on parents. We are in charge of their spiritual development. We have to train them, so they have something to come back to.
You know what that means, don’t you? Our relationship with God has to be where it should. We have to be grounded and rooted (Eph. 3: 17).
But that also means we have to be involved parents. Oh, yes. When Adam was little, he would start going on and on about one of his computer games or some History Channel show he had watched, and I would check out. I would be going, “Uh-huh,” “Yep.” Then I would be thinking, “What did I just agree to?”
That is just part of it. Do we know our kid’s likes and dislikes? Do we know what they are thinking and feeling? When was the last time we had a meaningful conversation with them?
Yes, it has to start when they are young. If we can’t show that we will be there in the small stuff, how are they going to trust us to be there for the big stuff in the teenage and adult years?
It is going to be a challenge. We no longer consider our children weak and helpless. We expect them to be latchkey kids and look after themselves, but then don’t give them credit to make decisions in other areas.
Still, parents have to be there to guide their children in these decisions (or be teaching them how to make decisions on their own).
How Do We Apply This?
I think I have told you that I have been on a kick to get Adam more self-sufficient. We’ve been working on cooking.
It goes back to that meme that says our job as parents is to raise our children to let them go. They need to function without us, but they need the foundation on which to build.
To read devotions in the Foundations of Salvation series, click on the appropriate button below.
To read devotions in the Foundations of Salvation series, click the appropriate button below.
We need to make sure we know our kids (i.e., spend time with them). We have to understand who they are and what they want. We have to see where God is calling them to serve.
Parents have a lot of influence over our kids, but we have to realize the limitations to that. This is especially true as they get older.
One of the best things we can do is show them by example. We have to show them who God is working in our lives and how we submit to Him.
Parenting is rewarding. It is challenging, but it is worth it.
Father. You know what it is like to be a parent. You know the highs and the lows. The low was when mankind chose to not obey You. The high was when Jesus chose to obey You — all the way to His death on the cross. Thank You that You have entrusted us with an important task — teaching our children about You. Help us to provide the needed example of what being a disciple is. May they see our joy in and submission to You. Amen.
What do you think?
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